Any of you who have ever found out you are pregnant probably know the swirl of emotions and thoughts that surround such exciting and life changing news. Everything from: Oh sh*t! This is the best news ever. How are we going to afford this? I wonder if it is a girl or a boy? Names? Which room will the baby get? What were we thinking? I’m so excited! all seem to pass through your mind in seconds. There is something about the seriousness of being responsible for another human being and the finality of it all. I mean you are in it. No turning back.
Even though we have done this twice before, it still happens. Yup, within minutes we manage to freak out and be super excited all at the same time. If you watched the video from the previous post you know that Quinn is pretty excited about the new baby. Quinn has requested, “a whole baby collection”. Eleanor doesn’t really know what is going on.
A lot of you have been wondering how I have been feeling. For the most part I feel pretty good, except for the exhaustion. Hopefully that passes soon. You may have noticed a drop off in blogging. That drop off stems from pure exhaustion. That exhaustion has also lead to a large pile of laundry and a general disaster in our house. But I am not even going to feel bad about it, because I am growing a whole human being and that is a lot of work. I don’t remember being this exhausted with the other two. I suppose chasing a 1 and 4 year old around all day and pushing 30 might have something to do with it. I had some slight nausea that came in waves, which struck me as odd since I didn’t have nausea with Quinn or Eleanor.
This baby will be due the month before Eleanor turns two and Quinn will be just over four and a half. Some of you might be wondering, was this planned? Yup, it was. About as planned as it was going to get. I mean there were no calendars or charts or tracking involved, but we were trying.
The funny thing is, with Quinn I needed time. He was such a big baby (11 lbs. 15 oz. 23.5 inches) and had done a number on my body. Labor had been anything but good and it ended in an emergency c-section and Quinn being whisked away to the ICU. It was a tad traumatizing. Quinn was a very, very needy baby and we got very little sleep that first year. I also nursed for a year, despite all our troubles with getting him to latch. On top of all that, he was our first child and I think the shock of how much our lives had changed left me yearning for normal. I NEEDED a year to myself. A year where I wasn’t growing a baby or nursing a baby. A year to start to feel normal and like me again.
Eleanor turned out to be a planned c-section (despite my efforts for a VBAC). She was a pretty easy baby. She slept…thank god! The transition from one baby to two was actually really easy. It didn’t leave me feeling like I needed time. In fact, the opposite happened. I had Quinn when I was 25 and I am turning 30 this January. I am kind of at the point that I just want to be done. Pregnant, not pregnant, nursing, not nursing, losing baby weight, putting on baby weight. I don’t really want to drag this out forever. I just want to commit to a routine, invest in a wardrobe and enjoy my family.
This might lead you to wonder if three is it. I don’t think so. Well, I guess I don’t really know. I always wanted 4 kids. I think I still do. I will let you know what I think after I have three. My dream was always two girls and two boys. Everyone has a sister and everyone has a brother. That is perfection to me. We will see if I have the guts and the luck to pull it off.
Unfortunately, we live in the real world and we have some real concerns. We are now on my husband’s insurance and this baby is going to cost us somewhere between 7-8,000 dollars. We will have two years to pay that off before it goes to collection. We struggle making ends meet as a family of four. Now we will be a family of 5 with about $250 in medical bills due for the baby. On top of that we need a car, preferably a minivan. We have one car and it cannot fit three car seats.
Of course I question my ability to meet my children’s needs. Mostly Eleanor, seeing as thought she will just be two with a brand new baby in the house. I wonder if I can handle three kids, I only have two hands. I worry about having a healthy pregnancy and a healthy baby. Mostly, I try not to think about it and just tell myself everything will be okay.
And although money is a concern and I have all these other thoughts running through my head, if I just stop and look around I am amazed at how blessed I truly am. Although money may be tight, I am not without. I have a loving husband and a strong marriage, two beautiful children and another one on the way and I get the joy of spending each and every day with my little miracles.
Sharing these thoughts at: Thrifty Decor Chick: November Before and After Party